Do you spend a lot of time trying to look or sound desirable in order to get a mate? Have you noticed that you're on several dating apps and think nothing seems to be working? Do you look around and only see couples as you walk down the street? Do you think the key to your happiness is finding “your person”? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you might be idolizing “couple-hood.”
Today, we're going to explore how to distinguish between idolizing relationships and just being back on the market. We'll identify signs that you may be idolizing relationships and the negative impacts of this mindset. Finally, we'll look at ways to no longer idolize relationships or let that be the driving force in your life.
Signs and Symptoms of Idolizing Relationships
Wanting to be in an intimate relationship is perfectly natural. However, when the desire becomes a mission driven by distress or desperation, it can take over your life. Here are some ways this might manifest:
Excessive Time on Dating Apps
You find yourself constantly checking dating apps, engaging in conversations that don't truly stimulate you mentally, but make you feel wanted on a superficial level.
2. Overly Strategic Socializing
You attend events or frequent places not for personal enjoyment or professional growth, but solely to find a potential partner. This might include attending conferences just to sit in the hotel lobby bar hoping to be noticed, or overly flexing at the gym to catch someone's eye.
3. Persistent Worry About Being Single
You are constantly worried about the passage of time and the fact that you still haven't found "your person." This anxiety can overshadow other aspects of your life, making you feel unfulfilled and stressed.
4. Constantly Seeking Validation
If you find yourself frequently using dating apps and focusing excessively on your appearance and desirability, you may be seeking validation through potential partners. This constant pursuit can be draining and lead to a sense of inadequacy when things don’t work out.
5. Comparing Yourself to Others
Social media can amplify feelings of inadequacy. When you see curated posts of happy couples, it's natural to compare your single status and feel like you're missing out. Remember, these posts often highlight only the positives.
Negative Impacts of Idolizing Relationships
Believing that a relationship will make life better or feeling pressured to be in one because "everyone else is doing it" can lead to disappointment. This mindset can result in several negative consequences:
Loss of Self-Identity & Authenticity
Focusing too much on couple-hood can cause you to lose sight of your personal goals and interests. Trying to be someone you are not in order to appeal to potential partners can be exhausting and unsustainable. Over time, you risk losing your true self for the sake of having a relationship. It’s important to maintain a sense of individuality, regardless of your relationship status.
Emotional Distress
The constant pursuit of a partner can lead to significant stress and anxiety. The constant pursuit of a relationship can lead to repeated disappointments, especially when reality doesn't meet your idealized expectations. This can negatively impact your emotional well-being and self-esteem. This emotional turmoil can impact other areas of your life, including work and personal relationships.
Valuing Superficial Things
You may start valuing things that don't truly matter, focusing on external appearances or material possessions to attract a partner.
Ways to Stop obsessing the Idolization of "Couple-Hood"
Focus on Self-Growth
Invest time in hobbies, education, and personal development. This not only enriches your life but also makes you more confident and self-sufficient.
Build Strong Friendships
Nurture your platonic relationships. Friends provide essential support and companionship, offering a balance to romantic pursuits.
Mindfulness and Gratitude
Practices like mindfulness and gratitude journaling can help you appreciate the present moment and the things you have, rather than focusing on what’s missing.
Set Healthy Boundaries
Setting boundaries in dating and relationships helps maintain your personal values and prevents you from compromising your identity for the sake of a relationship.
Spirituality
Taking the time out to have a relationship within your spiritual beliefs can be an anchor. It allows one to feel and know that they are loved and feel secure about that.
Conclusion
Idolizing relationships can affect your emotional well-being and personal growth. Instead, focus on self-growth, build strong friendships, nurture your spirituality, practice mindfulness, and set healthy boundaries to find fulfillment and ease in everyday life. Whether you're single or in a relationship, remember that while happiness is fleeting, true joy can last a lifetime.
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