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Dating Do's and Don'ts, Steps to Dating with Intention

Dating with confidence

Dating – once a vibrant adventure filled with possibility – now often feels like casting a line into a murky pond, unsure of what we'll reel in. For those seeking a genuine, long-term connection, the journey can be a rollercoaster of excitement, stress, and frustration. Too often, we find ourselves caught in the tangled web of "situation-ships," desperately hoping for something more while questioning if our expectations are too lofty.

But fear not, fellow adventurers, for today I offer you a beacon of hope amidst the stormy seas of modern dating. I present to you a roadmap, a set of guiding principles to help navigate the treacherous waters with confidence and clarity. My mission? To empower you to chart your own course, to recognize your worth, and to no longer settle for anything less than you deserve. So, grab hold of your anchor and let's dive in together.

1. Do Know Your Relationship Priorities

Understanding your "relationship basic needs" is like having a compass to guide you through the ups and downs of dating. Much like a sailor relies on navigational aids to chart their course, knowing your relationship hierarchy is essential for steering towards fulfilling connections.

Consider Maslow's hierarchy of needs as your guiding light. This pyramid outlines the progression of human necessities, ranging from fundamental physiological needs like food and shelter, to safety, belongingness/love, esteem, and self-actualization. But how does this relate to dating?

In a world often preoccupied with superficial preferences like appearance or social status, it's important to differentiate between surface-level attractions and deeper relational essentials. While physical chemistry and shared interests may catch our eye, do they truly fulfill us emotionally and spiritually?

Think of your relationship hierarchy as your non-negotiable "must-haves." These are the building blocks of a fulfilling connection, the foundation upon which lasting relationships are built. Whether it's finding someone who listens with empathy, who invests genuine effort, or who shares your core values and life aspirations, these are the elements that breathe life into your relational journey.

Be mindful of the allure of compromise. While flexibility is crucial in any relationship, there are certain aspects that are non-negotiable. For instance, consider the desire for children. If one partner dreams of parenthood while the other does not, it's a fundamental difference that could lead to challenges later on.

Consider before embarking on your dating adventure to take a moment to clarify your relationship priorities. What are your must-haves? What are your boundaries? This allows you to date in intention. With this self-awareness as your compass, you'll navigate the dating landscape with clarity and confidence, steering towards authentic connections that resonate with your heart and soul.

2. Don't Be Rigid

Hold on a moment, didn't we just talk about knowing your relationship basic needs? While it's important to have non-negotiables, being overly rigid can hinder your dating journey. In this context, rigidity refers to being quick to dismiss someone over minor differences or low-stakes situations.

Let's dive into this with an example involving Person A and Person B. They're in the early stages of dating and planning their third date at the local town fair.

Person A sends a text: "Hey, I'm happy to check out the fair. Just so you know, I'm not a fan of heights, so I probably won't be lining up for the ferris wheel."

Person B's initial reaction might be, "Oh no, they're afraid of heights! But I love the ferris wheel. Does this mean we can never enjoy theme parks together or travel by plane?"

Hold on a minute! Person A simply shared a preference, not a deal-breaker. There's no need to jump to conclusions and write them off. It's a small situation that shouldn't overshadow the potential for a meaningful connection. Instead of being rigid in your expectations, be open to possibilities. Appreciate the honesty and communication from Person A, and use it as an opportunity to learn more about them. Who knows? You might discover shared interests or find new activities to enjoy together.

Essentially, don't be quick to dismiss someone over minor differences. Embrace flexibility, appreciate communication, and give yourself the chance to get to know someone beyond surface-level preferences. After all, it's the unexpected twists and turns that often lead to the most rewarding connections.

3. Do Prioritize Open Communication

Effective communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. It's about openly expressing your thoughts and feelings, while also being willing to listen to your partner. When something bothers you or you have concerns, don't hesitate to speak up. Express yourself honestly and kindly, giving your partner the opportunity to understand where you're coming from.

At the same time, be sure to listen attentively to your partner's perspective. Avoid making assumptions or prematurely ending things based on misunderstandings. By prioritizing open communication, you create a foundation of trust and understanding in your relationship, allowing both partners to grow and strengthen their connection together.

4. Don't Be Scared to Exercise Healthy Boundaries

The concept of setting boundaries can sometimes feel intimidating, but it's essential for maintaining self-respect and nurturing healthy relationships. Boundaries are not about being mean; they're about establishing a standard of respect for yourself, regardless of how others may perceive them. If certain activities or behaviors don't align with your values or preferences, it's crucial to communicate that and expect it to be respected. For example, if your date suggests going to a bar for a nightcap despite your earlier communication about not enjoying such environments, it's perfectly acceptable to assert your boundary with a simple "no, it's not my thing." Initially, you might give them the benefit of the doubt, assuming they forgot your preference. However, if they persist in suggesting activities that violate your boundaries, it's important to stand firm and maintain your stance.

Remember, compromising your boundaries to please someone else is not worth sacrificing your self-respect. Respectfully communicate your preferences, and if necessary, be willing to end the engagement if your values don't align. Healthy boundaries are a cornerstone of any relationship, allowing both parties to honor themselves and each other.

5. Do Recognize Non-Committal Behavior

If you're seeking a committed, long-term relationship, it's important not to settle for non-committal behavior from potential partners. Resist the temptation to try and convince someone who is still unsure about commitment. While they may mention a desire for a relationship, their actions may not align with their words. Watch out for red flags such as vague plans, offering metaphorical breadcrumbs, or disappearing acts followed by casual reappearances.

Remember, confusing behavior doesn't reflect your worth as a person. It's simply a sign that there may not be a genuine connection or that the person isn't being honest with themselves or you about their intentions.

You don't need to convince anyone of your worth. If you believe in your value, it will shine through naturally. Don't waste your time waiting for someone who isn't ready to commit. Let go of relationships that hold you back and trust that you deserve someone who loves and accepts you just as you are.

Final Thoughts on Navigating the Dating Journey

In the unpredictable world of dating, it's important to approach each experience with a sense of adventure, while also prioritizing your own well-being and authenticity. Take chances, explore new connections, and embrace the excitement of meeting someone new. But remember to stay true to yourself throughout the process. Set boundaries, communicate your needs, and don't compromise your values for the sake of fitting in.

As you navigate the twists and turns of the dating road, keep your eyes and ears open. Learn from past experiences to avoid repeating the same mistakes with different people. Trust your instincts and intuition, and don't settle for anything less than genuine love and respect.


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